Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
