he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
