I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
