I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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