just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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