wanna go halves on a baby?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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