I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
