I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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