We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
