let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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