Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
