So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
