I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
