Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
