I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
