Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
