I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
