from now on my penis is your penis
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
