Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
