I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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