He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
