I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
