so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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