so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
