Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
