Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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