just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
