you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
