i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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