a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
