Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
