my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
