i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
