ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
