I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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