you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
