He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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