next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
