shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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