I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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