Got a toothbrush?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
