You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
