thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
