So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
one two three fourrrrnication!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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