I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
