none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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