It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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