I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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