dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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