Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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