please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
