We named our party play list daddy issues
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
