I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
