my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
