Yo dont text me then not text me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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