Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We had sex on a dog bed..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
