Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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