well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Never underestimate the power of titties
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