just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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