He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
